Did you ever notice that there are a lot of dolls out there? And that many times they are often times used as role models for little girls?
Well, we are all familiar with the good old Barbie doll with her long blond hair, her permanent smile and mile long legs. As HotSpotMama noted in her recent article on All Time Best Toys, she’s been around forever inspiring young girls to be perky and buxom.
In my search for the wacky, I have come across quite a collection of weird dolls. But being the tough guy that I am, I am not going to I just can’t be seen writing about doll. So, it got me thinking what I should do and then it hit me…
All these weird dolls are just like the women in my life. Some are cuddly, some are malleable, and some are rigid. Many of these dolls immediately remind me of my old exes. I realized I could do something to help out my fellow man while finding an ingenious way to show off my collection of wacky dolls without compromising my manhood. BRILLIANT – huh!
So here are my picks for the 10 Types of Women You Need to Stay Away From:
10. The woman who is obsessed with getting married
You know the type. Desperate to be married…jerks are ok so long as they are marriage material.
She’s the woman who had her whole life laid out like clockwork and with a timeline to give her the perfect life, only to find she hasn’t met the perfect man and her biological clock is counting down in seconds.
You know she’s going to suddenly discover as soon as she’s married and gotten the two kids that you are a stinker…but now, you’re going to have to deal with her the rest of your life.
She’s so scary that any man in his right mind would run away….so run.
9. The woman who is always looking for a fight
You will be able to tell if your woman is this type if everything with her is a battle.
Anything that is said by anyone will be quickly taken out of context to become some sort of insult or some reason to wage war against the world.
She will make you an angry and bitter person too as there will be nothing but misery with her. Avoid her like you would a shrieking alarm.
8. The woman who needs to be handled with kid gloves
Everything in life hurts this type of woman. You feel like she should be wrapped up in bubble wrap so she doesn’t break.
The tiniest criticism, the most innocent of comments will have her dripping in tears and big sad dog eyes.
Before you know it, you will be spending your whole life apologizing, saying sorry for all the things you did, didn’t do and for the mere fact that you came into her life.
It’s easier if you just get out of her life, as if she doesn’t commit suicide because you leave her, she will sure threaten suicide because of something your did when you stayed. Avoid her like you would moldy bread.
7. The woman who really needs to cover up
I understand there are many women out there that still feel as young on the inside as they did when they were teenagers, but there does come a time when they need to stop dressing like they have the body of a lovely young lady.
To me, almost nothing is as gross as looking at the jiggling flesh of aging skin put out for display by a woman as if they are at the prime of youth (other than the behavior of leering men too old for them I am told by my wife – guess which doll is inspired by her).
If you are involved with a woman who shows a bit too much, she has issues that are not going to get smaller with the decay of time so issue her a kiss off letter and vamoose.
6. The woman who is a constant drag
God, there a million of these types of women aren’t there?
You know the type? Everything around them is a total drag. There is always something that could go wrong and she can never be happy, no matter what you do.
You could have won the lottery but with her worrying and kvetching, it will soon feel like it was the worst thing that ever happened to you.
This type of woman will slowly seep the will to live out of you, so stay away. Avoid her like you would an old used shoe.
5. The woman who can’t shut up
I get attracted to women who can carry a conversation and has a good sense of humor. But there is a fine line between being a good talker and talking too good.
Avoid the wise-cracking woman who always has to make a comment about everything. If you don’t watch out, you’ll wake up one morning to find yourself next to your nightmare version of Rosie O’Donnell.
4. The woman who takes and takes and takes
I’ve known only a few women like this because I don’t have the money to attract more of them.
These are the women that are lovely on the outside, but really inside are a bunch of money hungry takers who are just with you for your wallet.
Your woman usually looks likes this when you first meet her and then you slowly realize it’s all a cunning shell designed to lure you to her like a sirens’ call.
Watch yourself as the types of ladies will just suck you and your wallet dry and leave you emasculated. Avoid them like you would avoid a mosquito nest.
3. The woman who has nothing to say
There are woman who talk constantly and say nothing.
This type of women can go on and on about what her friend told her other friend about the shoes she bought on sale, but were really not on sale as her other friend found them cheaper at another store and on and on.
These are the women you just what to yell “Shut the F#### Up” on a daily basis but don’t say anything to as they will then spend the next hour grilling you as to why you aren’t happy today. ARRRRRRGH!!!
2. The woman who is one big freak show
This is the woman who will quickly drive you to your untimely death by having a stroke induced by frustration.
She can’t make a decision about anything and doesn’t know whether she is going forwards or backwards. Too wracked by anxiety about making the wrong decision, she drives you up the wall as you sit there patiently as she for the millionth time tries to figure out what to do, where to go, what to eat and what to wear.
1. The woman who is all out evil
These women are rare but the most scary and destructive to be involved with.
They usually come in very normal packages, but as the layers of normality peel off with familiarity, you one day discern that your woman is just plain evil.
Get away if it’s not too late….but make sure she can’t track you down, because she’s the type of person to find you and send you to prison on some false charges to become Bubba’s pet dog.